


Broken

by olivemartini



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 06:52:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5530058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all his year of living, Magnus should have known better than to love someone who is so completely and utterly broken, but he finds himself doing it anyways.  He knows that broken people are almost impossible to fix, and that there will be no way to put him back together without doing harm to himself.  It would be like desperately trying to mirror that has been shattered only to cut himself beyond repair every time he picks up one of the glass shards.  Magnus knows this, and yet he finds himself falling in love with Alec anyways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

After all his year of living, Magnus should have known better than to love someone who is so completely and utterly _broken,_ but he finds himself doing it anyways.  He knows that broken people are almost impossible to fix, and that there will be no way to put him back together without doing harm to himself.  It would be like desperately trying to mirror that has been shattered only to cut himself beyond repair every time he picks up one of the glass shards.  Magnus knows this, and yet he finds himself falling in love with Alec anyways.

Alec wouldn't like being referred to as broken, but it was the truth.  He was a killing machine, a shadowhunter of the finest quality, but there was a hidden vulnerability about him that was both endearing and sad at the same time.  It's well hidden behind false confidence, which might have been why Magnus missed it when they first met. Now that he knew where to look, it was hard to forget.  There were hundreds of reminders, and Magnus has to constantly hold himself back, telling himself to be careful, that this one, this shadowhunter, is different than all the others before him.  He could see it in the way Alec's hands shake when they touch, from fear and nerves and maybe a little bit of excitement.  It's written across Alec's face whenever Magnus tells him he's beautiful, that _this,_ what they have together, is real.  It's the harsh sting of reality he faces every time Magnus is told that no, their relationship must stay secret, closeted in, shameful.  It is in the way Alec throws himself at Magnus, very much resembling a moth throwing himself at a flame.  Alec's affection for him is a suicide mission disguised as love. 

It's not Alec's fault.  Magnus knows this, no matter how frustrating it may be.  These wounds were not formed overnight, but have taken years to carve into him, and will take years to wash away.  They have been ingrained in him over the course of his childhood, years of being unwanted and unloved, overlooked and underappreciated, always so far into the shadows of his siblings that no one was able to see his own shining radiance.  He's been told that what he feels is wrong, strange, freakish, that he is an abomination and a disgrace, and there will be no eradication of the insecurity that has placed in him.  Alec has been starved for attention, first from his parents and then from the boy he loves, even as he desperately tries to please them.  The weight of his responsibility and worries weigh heavily on his shoulders, and there is nothing anyone can say that will convince him to share some of the burden.  Alec is a boy that has been battling demons, both real and imaginary, on his own for too long.  He is like a man drowning in the middle of the ocean, gasping for air as he tries to keep his head above water, even though salvation could be reached if he would just try to swim.

And yet, despite how broken, Magnus loves him. He loves him as Alec's beautiful eyes with the sky trapped inside fill with tears.  He loves him as it is explained through sobs for the millionth time, _no, please understand, I want to but I can't Magnus, they'll hate me and I'm not brave enough to face that._ He loves him as chis confidence drops, causing him to pull away from whatever they are doing and make a hasty retreat, confusion on his face like he can't figure out what's happening.  He loves him, even if he has to repeat _I love you, you are wonderful, you are not trivial_ like a broken record until his insecurities are washed away.  He loves him despite all of Alec's determination to believe otherwise. 

If he had known how hard this was going to be, Magnus might have ran away and left him to someone else.  Their time together would be, after all, a blink I the span of his life.  But now his every thought is of Alec, of being with him, of helping him, of saving, of loving him so feircly that anyone who came after would be dull in comparison.  It's because he loves him that he never suggests going on a date in public where people might see them, and does not fight when Alec says their relationship can only exist behind closed doors.  It's because he loves him that he also loves Jace and Clary and the mundane, that he gives his help away each and every time they call.  It is because he loves Alec that he will wipe away his tears and pull him close, no matter how badly Magnus himself is hurting.  He's had centuries to learn to deal with the pain the world forces you to feel while Alec has had only years. Magnus holds tightly onto the pieces of the boy he loves, knowing perfectly well the marks their jagged edges will leave will only be scars. 

Yes, Alec is broken, but Magnus loves him anyways.  After all, it is the breaks that allow the light to shine through.


End file.
